So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
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I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.