wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch