Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.

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(914): Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex. http://tfl.nu/kgv4

Replies (5) Good night (2846) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
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(313): View more from Michigan

I am in shape. i keep telling you that.

(1-313): View more from Michigan

Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."

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(313): I am in shape. i keep telling you that. (1-313): Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape." http://tfl.nu/2t6h

Replies (28) Good night (808) Bad night (3451) Order T-Shirt
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible

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(859): I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible http://tfl.nu/51ze

Replies (22) Good night (505) Bad night (2845) Order T-Shirt
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(904): View more from Florida

watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..

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(904): watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too.. http://tfl.nu/rujn

Replies (9) Good night (3275) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?

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(617): I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks? http://tfl.nu/26q7

Replies (55) Good night (2017) Bad night (6444) Order T-Shirt
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(309): View more from Illinois

My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.

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(309): My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead. http://tfl.nu/49y2

Replies (14) Good night (1283) Bad night (5028) Order T-Shirt
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.

(1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

This is why we're friends.

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(780): If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator. (1-780): This is why we're friends. http://tfl.nu/yp3s

Replies (7) Good night (4362) Bad night (884)
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(512): View more from Texas

Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.

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(512): Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom. http://tfl.nu/t8hh

Replies (13) Good night (554) Bad night (1996) Order T-Shirt
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(815): View more from Illinois

I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"

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(815): I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning" http://tfl.nu/wpur

Replies (9) Good night (910) Bad night (2509) Order T-Shirt
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"

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(508): Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!" http://tfl.nu/hrv9

Replies (6) Good night (1983) Bad night (643)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.

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(403): Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate. http://tfl.nu/jnzf

Replies (10) Good night (2438) Bad night (572)
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(818): View more from California

Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?

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(818): Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs? http://tfl.nu/leke

Replies (13) Good night (873) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
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(530): View more from California

He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.

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(530): He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET. http://tfl.nu/u2s2

Replies (1) Good night (1300) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
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(541): View more from Oregon

25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.

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(541): 25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that. http://tfl.nu/kj3r

Replies (12) Good night (430) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
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(227): View more from Maryland

Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake

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(227): Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake http://tfl.nu/ij8f

Replies (7) Good night (216) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt

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