Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
North Korea, Best Korea!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
hey u leave my anime porn out of this