So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
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is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience