how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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