Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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