It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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