i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
