the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
