Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
