your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
