Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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