Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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