I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we're making bets on your personal life
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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