nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
