Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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