She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
