I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I want to fling myself into the sun
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
