I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
