was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
