you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
youre lurking in front of me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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