hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
