I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
this beer tastes like vomit already
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
