We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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