I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
