The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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