My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
