mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
