He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
