my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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