I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
