Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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