I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
