She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
