Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
