you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
