I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
