please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize