So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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