We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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