so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
