Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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