I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
