I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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