apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
