he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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