i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
