I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
