did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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