ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
