____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
