I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
