just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
