you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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