I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
