We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
