you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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