So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
