I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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