one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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