I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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