worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
