It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize