I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
