fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
