I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
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the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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