I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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