I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
