Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
