Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize