He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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