I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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