what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
