New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
