Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
