Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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