Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
