The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
