she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
