Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
