Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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