ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Still dying that you shit outside
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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